Well today is 1 month, 1 week, and 1 day since I lost my baby. The emptiness in my heart is sometimes unbearable. I keep wanting to know what it was? Why it happened? Who would they have been? Would this child have had green eyes and red hair like mommy or like their brother and sister blue eyes and dirty blonde hair? I know I am making myself crazy with these thoughts but I guess its my way of dealing. I miss my baby so much.
On March 15 about 6:30 pm Davids mom passed away, I hate it, why so soon after we lost a baby did this happen? David is upset about his mom as we all are here, hubby told me I should just forget about the baby and think about his mom instead, that hurt. I keep trying to avoid my own feelings about the baby in front of him but when I am alone the emotions just pour out.
Sometimes I just want to get away for awhile just to be alone without any time limit. I just want to be alone for awhile. I am so thankful for Debbie for keeping me in check, she kept bugging me about our weekly meets finally after about a month I felt up to it, I was so glad I went I needed that and she was here the other day and taught me some new beaded things.
My mom and sister have been to visit me as well, it was nice.
On a good note I ended up losing 25 pounds since January, I just hope I can lose more and keep it off.
I really hope this is the last bad thing to happen this year so far has been hell on us all. I want a time machine to go back and switch everything around to make it all better but I cant.
I had been without internet for a few weeks because of the phone company screwing up AGAIN and AGAIN! I just got it back last evening and was so glad too!!
Today is Tat Day which I would have totally forgotten about if I werent online. I will try to tat today, my mood is proving to be crappy so far perhaps a little walk after my son goes to school is in order. It looks crappy out snow rain and ick AGAIN!
Ok enough of this update