???

It is so hard to believe how one moment can turn your world inside out and upside down and all around.

I am so sad, I feel I will not get through this. I wander why it happened, I keep thinking what if? My mind can't focus on anything right now. I have so many things running through my head. It is so hard to keep it together sometimes I just can't and the emotion explodes inside of me.

I want to scream, yell, cry, pound my fists, stomp my feet, and break things.

I can't sleep much, I cry uncontrollably at times, I feel like I can't breathe, I feel like I could die, I want to just curl into a ball and lay in bed ALL DAY! I never ever thought this would hurt so bad, I always prayed I would never feel this kind of pain. I feel empty and lost.

I feel like crap, I look like hell, I feel I won't be happy ever again. I hate having my children and husband see me like this. They understand but I still don't like it. If it weren't for my husband and kids right now I probably would just give up. I know this isn't the end of the world but I feel like it is.

Its only been 4 days but it already feels like an eternity, the days seem soooooo long, today was my 1st day alone and it was not a good day.

I can not stand the pain, I really hope this is the last bad thing to happen this year, I don't know if I could handle anything else.

I was going to try and tat a little tonight but I lost interest in no time, I am so tired and I just feel weak (both tired and as a person) I keep getting nasty headaches from all the crying. I wish I could understand.